


Soldier

by MusicLover6661



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Heavy Angst, Lots of Angst, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: When he could tell Bucky wasn't going to comply as easily, he told them to shock him.  Bucky's eyes were full of fear, he knew how much pain that chair had brought him, and it wasn't going to ever get easier for him.





	Soldier

Steve had always promised Bucky he would keep him safe no matter what. Sure he wasn't the strongest, and he definitely got pushed around more often than he could remember. But damnit, he was going to make sure his best friend was alright. It wasn't until he watched the man fall to his death, his scream forever burned into his memory. Though, to be fair, waking up seventy years in the future wasn't something he was very happy about either. It took a while before he could trust anyone, always afraid that something, or someone, was waiting for him in the shadows.

**1945**

Everything hurts, the only downside is I know why everything hurts. The doctors brought in a new test subject, he was too injured though. His left arm, what was left of it anyway, had to be removed. They were attaching a new one for him, help rehabilitate him. He was too valuable to let die, so here he was on a gurney. They were dead set on keeping him alive, risking more people just for him.

They wiped his memory entirely, he was an empty shell once they were done. It was horrific to watch. He would simply lay in the chair like a ragdoll when they were done, thrown back into his cell before the next time. He deserved better though, than to rot in a prison.

“Get him ready, he's going back into the chair” A doctor was standing in the doorway to his cell, a clipboard held tightly in his hands.  
“You're going to kill him the next time he goes into that chair” I looked over slowly, my arms wrapped tightly around my waist.  
“And if he does, you will join him” The doctor smirked as he walked down the hall and out of sight.

Bucky's screams echoed throughout the prison, no one had ever sounded as horrendous as him. He screamed for someone who was never going to find him. He was doomed to a life of pain, to one of pure misery. I wanted to protect him, to see who he could be without all of the horrors around us. But where would we go? The war had raged on around us, the Germans were going to win the war.

It was almost an hour before the screaming stopped entirely, the halls silent as the door he had been pulled behind opened once again. The doctor was standing proudly behind a man, his shoulders hunched forwards slightly. It wasn't in defeat, oh no. It was in complete and utter rage. They had finally succeeded, they finally had their winter soldier.

**12.16.1991**

The air was chilling me to the bone, waiting close to where they were supposed to crash, as long as he did his job correctly. Tires screeching loudly before the crash. Smoke and fire billowed out from under the cracked hood, I could see Bucky pull the briefcase from the trunk, his eyes on the man who was struggling to crawl away.

“Seargent Barnes?” The man questioned before his life was taken away all too quickly. The woman inside the car yelled out for him, Bucky wrapped his hand around her throat, cutting off what was left of her life.

It was hard to watch, to see the destruction he was causing. He was a shell, simply a killing machine sent out to kill whoever Hydra wanted. There was nothing else I could do now. Bucky glanced over at the camera, putting a bullet hole into the lens before he stalked over to me.

“Let's go” Bucky's voice was intimidating, deep and aggressive.  
“Yes sir” I stood up from my spot, brushing the dirt from my knees before following Bucky.

He straddled the bike, waiting for me to get on behind him. We were to deliver the package to the doctor and his colleagues the moment we got back. I wanted no part of it, to throw the package aside and drag Bucky away from all of this mess. He was their soldier though, abiding by every rule they set in place. His hands gripped the handles tighter, his jaw clenched tight.

“Soldier, we need to make it back before they send someone out to find us” I pressed tighter against his back, the wind whipped harshly around us.  
“They're not expecting us until tomorrow” Bucky muttered as he pulled off onto the dirt road, I was one of the only people Bucky spoke english too. It was sort of nice.

The road was pitch black, the only light coming from the moon high up in the sky. It felt as if I was being sent to my death. Maybe I was. Why else would they want me to join Bucky on a mission that was easily handled? There was only one reason, my death. Hell I was practically embracing death with open arms at this point.

“There you are, we were beginning to think you missed the turn” The doctor was smirking in the doorway of a cabin. What the hell was going on?  
“Just like you asked” Bucky stepped off the bike slowly, handing over the briefcase. Whatever was inside must've been really important.

The doctor nodded his head slowly, opening to reveal what was inside to himself. He smiled and jerked his head towards Bucky and I, speaking too lowly for me to hear. The guards dragged us deep into the cabin, the chambers glared back at us.

“Put them back on ice, he's done for now” My heart was beating erratically. I didn't want to go back under, that was the last thing I wanted!  
“Yes sir” The guard walked Bucky over calmly, he was already expecting this.

I wanted to fight tooth and nail, to deny what was going to happen. But if I fought things wouldn't end well. They'd only end badly for me, and even worse for Bucky. He was my trainer, my mentor in a sense. And if I disobeyed the superiors, well I was basically asking for death in that moment. That wasn't something I wanted very much. The doors were shut and locked as we were placed inside. Let's hope they didn't wait another twenty years

**4.07.2014**

They took us out again, there was an important mission for Bucky to attend. He was to kill the target and get away before anyone could see him. Except that wasn't how things went, the man was able to get away before Bucky could give the final blow. To say they were pissed was an understatement, they needed the target dead. So he was sent to where the target was hiding, if the man wasn't dead from the gunshots, he would die before they were able to save him. There was just one problem with it all, someone had managed to follow Bucky as he tried to escape. He was fast, and strong. Almost as strong as Bucky.

That man was the next target, Bucky was to get rid of him and get out. And that, just like everything else, was compromised. The man knew Bucky, calling out his name as they stood facing one another. Bucky couldn't remember who he was though, he struggled to remember anything on the drive back to the bank. His hands were clenched into tight fists, ones he couldn't let go of to save his life. The guards glared at me as if I was the reason for his anger. I slid my hand overtop of his right hand, the fingers relaxing almost immediately beneath my touch.

“You did fine soldier, don't let them worry you” I had to keep him calm, they were planning on making sure he didn't get distracted next time.  
“He knew who I was, but I can't remember who he was” Bucky's face fell as he let his head hang.  
“It's alright soldier, you'll get to him next time” Bucky's fingers laced between my own, his eyes locking onto my face.

He was dragged from the van without another word. He didn't say anything until a man stood in front of him, questioning him. He wanted the man on the bridge brought down, taken care of so he didn't have to worry about his plans. When he could tell Bucky wasn't going to comply as easily, he told them to shock him. Bucky's eyes were full of fear, he knew how much pain that chair had brought him, and it wasn't going to ever get easier for him. I looked away as they strapped him down, his screams were embedded into my mind, it was the only thing I could ever hear.

He was sent out when the man had made his presence known again, except this time Bucky wasn't going to let anything stand in his way. He was going to finish what was started. Except it didn't end as how he was hoping for, _again._ The man had managed to say a few things, Bucky's eyes widened as he stared at the other man. The memories flooded back, his head throbbing as he watched him fall into the water below. What more could he do? The man was probably dead already, he'd be risking his life for someone who knew him. The real him. He debated for another moment before diving into the icy water below. The man had slowly sunk towards the bottom before Bucky grabbed onto the collar of his shirt, pulling him up onto the shoreline. He was still alive, just barely.

**5.5.2016**

Hiding was a lot harder than Bucky or I anticipated. There were more people looking for us than we realized. Especially after hearing that the man he was sent to murder, Captain Rogers, had made it. Well we were the ones on the chopping block now. Bucky had managed to find a small apartment in Bucharest, and even though it wasn't the nicest, it was able to keep us hidden. We would venture out separately, buying any necessities when they were needed. Bucky had gone out to the local farmers market to check on the fruits and vegetables they had.

The front door slammed closed as he ran inside, packing away all of the essentials he could. To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I was terrified, why were we running again? We had just finally stopped at a place long enough to get comfortable, and now we were running away. Rogers was standing by the fridge holding Bucky's journal in his hands, my breath caught in my throat as I watched them. What was this going to mean?

“You shouldn't be here” Bucky pushed me behind him, to protect me. Rogers furrowed his brows as he saw me.  
“Why did you pull me from the river?” Rogers stepped closer to Bucky, his arm tightened around me.  
“I don't know” Bucky's voice was low, he needed the other man to be intimidated.  
“Don't lie to me Buck, I know you did it for a reason” The apartment was surrounded by police, they were yelling at us.

Bucky didn't wait for them to break in, he grabbed the bag he had been carrying and lunged towards the window. Rogers grabbed onto his left arm, pulling him down against the floor. Bucky thrashed around to get free, there were men flooding into the apartment. Rogers let go of him almost immediately, and Bucky went with his instincts. He wasn't going to kill anyone, just make sure they didn't stop us from getting away. I was afraid Rogers would try and stop us, make sure we were reprimanded and sent back to the prison. Except he was helping us, making sure Bucky didn't kill any of the men who were trying to kill us. Bucky was gone before I could blink, his legs carrying him down the street as Rogers chased after him. I watched on in horror as they disappeared from sight. God I hoped Bucky would be alright.  
  
***  
  
He wasn't alright, they had managed to arrest him and Rogers. He was locked in a box like cell, there was more security on him than ever imaginable. I waited inside a building on the outskirts of town, terrified of what was going to happen to him. He was the only person I had left. The doors swung open as Rogers dragged him inside slowly, clamping his arm down to where he wouldn't be able to move. He didn't wake up for almost an hour, staring over at Rogers with an expression I couldn't quite name. They talked for a little while, the conversation was cut short at the realization that things were a lot more difficult than we had expected.

“Sam, we have to get them to safety, if Tony finds out” Steve, as Bucky had been calling him now, trailed off as he looked over at Bucky and I.  
“Tony's going to find them either way, but if we're going to do this we need to go now, they still think he's in town” Sam sighed and ran a hand over his face.

Bucky was quiet, his eyes betraying how he was truly feeling. He was the only one who was truly nervous about the events that were unfolding. What if we were caught trying to leave? Would they throw me into a box like Bucky? Or would we be separated?

“I won't let them take you away” His hands cupped my cheeks gently, I could only nod and keep my eyes cast down.  
“I just wish this wasn't our life right now” I held my hands over his, the metal of his left hand was warm to the touch.  
“Please don't cry” Bucky's words were soft as his thumb wiped away the tears that trailed down my cheeks.  
“I'm sorry” I sobbed out, gripping onto the material of his shirt.

Steve and Sam walked over to us slowly, there must have been a course of action we had to take to get us away safely. I just didn't want to be away from him for another second, I couldn't handle it.

There was going to be a fight, one that Steve couldn't avoid. And if Bucky wanted to make it safely out of there, he had to fight alongside his best friend. Steve made sure I had a safe path to the quinjet, as he called it. I was to wait there until Steve and Bucky arrived, and then they were going to ensure we were all safely gone. Except the fight hadn't gone as planned, they were slowly losing, and Steve was all but pushing Bucky towards the quinjet.

We were boarded and headed off after a few minutes, Bucky's grip hadn't lessened on me at all, as if he was afraid I'd float away. Steve set a marker for where he was planning on going, letting the quinjet fly itself as he relaxed against the seat.

“I wanted to apologize for crying on you, I'm just scared” I held his hand tighter in my lap and frowned.  
“I know doll, I'll be there every step of the way” Bucky smiled softly, his lips pressing against my cheek gently.  
“Thank you” I smiled, tracing the lines of his hand slowly. The metal shifted as he wrapped his fingers around mine.  
“I don't want to ruin the moment, but we're here” Steve stepped off the quinjet, his eyes trailing over the snow.

Bucky strapped me down to a chair as he followed Steve off the quinjet, he said it was a precautionary measurement. The sounds coming from inside were horrendous, it reminded me of when Bucky and I were locked up. The fighting became louder suddenly, as if they were right outside. I pulled on the leather that secured me to the chair. I needed to help, to do something! Steve was dragging Bucky back onto the quinjet as I pulled off the last strap. My eyes trailed over to the smoldering part of what was left of Bucky's left arm. They were each bloodied and bruised, coughing as they plopped down into seats.

“It's done Buck, we can leave” Steve's voice was tired, he wanted nothing more than to be far away from where we were.  
“Until they come searching for us again, then what're we going to do?” Bucky was trying not to glance down at the missing appendage, to forget what had just happened to them.  
“We'll figure something out Buck, don't worry” Steve was trying to be calm for the sake of his friend.

Steve headed off to the front of the quinjet, typing in a destination that neither Bucky or I could see. As long as it was somewhere safe I didn't care. The only person I was even thinking about was Bucky, he was the only person that mattered. God I was so desperately in love with the man, but I couldn't let him know. There were too many things wrong, he needed to worry about what Hydra had done to him, not about my feelings.

“You're too quiet, what's wrong?” Bucky's right hand was squeezing my knee gently, I could feel how dry my mouth had just gotten.  
“Just thinking of the past is all” I spoke softly, even if the two super soldiers could hear me easily.  
“It's behind us now, no need to worry about” Bucky's voice is almost as soft as my own, his forehead pressing against my shoulder.  
“I know” I could feel my lips tremble before the tears welled up in my eyes.

You're really beginning to look pathetic Y/N, he doesn't need to know about your feelings! Let the man relax after the fight he's just been in. Hell the man just lost his arm for a second time, I highly doubt he's worried about anything else right now. His breathing slowed, soft snores filling the quinjet. This was all he needed right now, some peace and quiet.

Steve doesn't say anything until we reach the destination, Bucky had slept the entire time, practically draped across my lap. The tears never stopped, they were constant. Even if I had wanted to try and get some sleep myself, I knew it wouldn't be possible.

“We're here guy-” Steve's eyes were on me then, taking in how much of a mess I was.  
“Don't tell him, please” My throat cracked with oncoming tears, Steve simply nodded.  
“I'm going to bring him inside, come in when you're ready” Steve was hoisting Bucky up and off the quinjet before I could open my mouth.

The tears came down harder, wracking my chest with sobs. I felt so selfish, so dirty. This man was so damaged beyond repair, and I wasn't helping his case. He had his best friend back, he didn't need me anymore. The thought brought on more tears, I was going to be pushed aside now, like a toy that had run its course.

The sun was setting slowly, the colors painted across the sky. It was stunning, and I was sure if I hadn't felt so low I'd enjoy the scene in front of me. But I couldn't bear to look at it without thinking of Bucky. He would clean himself up, get a proper meal into him, and sleep in a real bed. God, I couldn't remember the last time Bucky and I got a decent night sleep. He would help try and keep me warm when we were in Bucharest. The damn heat wouldn't turn on most of the time, and with the weather getting as cold as it did, it was hard for me to sleep peacefully.

“He's been waiting for you” Steve was standing by the doors, a frown on his face.  
“He doesn't need me anymore Steve, it's better if I just cut this off before he realizes how I feel” My heart was breaking slowly, it hurt to utter those words.  
“Bucky needs you more than you realize, I'm not sure he'd be the person he is right now if it weren't for you” I shook my head before Steve could finish his sentence. Bucky was in this predicament because of me.  
“Look at him Steve, he's more broken than he's letting on. If it wasn't for me, they'd of given up before they could turn him into what he is” I bit my lip to stall the tears.

Steve was quiet for a few moments, soaking in all of the information I had just spilled onto him. There was muffled yelling in the distance, it didn't sound like Bucky. Were they expecting someone else? Steve looked over at me before running off the quinjet, explicitly stating that I was to stay where I was. Of course I wasn't going to listen, who did he think I was?

The guards were fighting off a man, I didn't recognize him at all, not from Hydra, or from Shield. He was a stranger that had managed to find us, and that was even more terrifying. God I really hoped they weren't here for Bucky, or Steve. The man was able to get through the guards, his gaze settling on me. His lips pulled into a smirk, the only sound was the echo of a gunshot before the man was brought down to his knees. Did they get him?

“Y/N, shit” Steve's voice was quiet as he looked over at me in horror. I furrowed my brows and looked down at myself, my shirt was stained with old blood, and new blood.  
“Steve, I don't feel so well” My body felt cold, the air burned my throat as I gasped softly.  
“No, you're not going anywhere” Steve grabbed my waist before my body hit the ground, his hand pressing over the wound.  
“Tell him I'm sorry” I couched and groaned as the pain coursed throughout my body.  
“You're not leaving us, I'll get you inside” Steve didn't move though, his feet were planted firmly on the ground.  
“Tell him I love him” My eyes slipped closed slowly, the world around me turning black.

***

The heart monitor beeped softly in the room, the lights cast low enough to not disturb anyone else in the room. Shuri looked over the scans again, her lips pulling up into a bright smile. It seemed as if things were going to be just fine, of course it was all thanks to her the bullet was no longer lodged in my chest.

“Steve, I have to see her, please” Bucky pleaded, his hand gripping onto the material of Steve's sweater roughly.  
“She's still asleep Buck, the last thing she needs is to be woken up too early. Shuri already gave me hell when I was too loud earlier” Steve pushed Bucky away gently, trying to keep the other man calm.  
“You don't understand Steve! I can't keep looking at her and expect her to never wake up. I don't care how confident Shuri is, it's been almost two weeks” Bucky was desperate, he was going stir crazy.  
“She asked me to tell you something, when she was sure she was going to die on that field” Steve glanced over his shoulder, the room was too dim.

Bucky frowned and sat down in the chair across from him, too afraid to stay standing for what he was about to hear. Surely it couldn't be so terrible that he knew the woman lying in the bed ten feet away was actually going to die.

“She wanted me to tell you she was sorry” Bucky's brow furrowed slightly.  
“Why the hell did she say that? Sorry for what?” Bucky ran his hand along his pants to wick away the moisture that had built up on his palms.  
“She blames herself for what happened to you, for why Hydra decided to make you a weapon” Steve frowned and placed a gentle hand on Bucky's shoulder.  
“It wasn't her fault, she just showed too much emotion for them to let go of me so easily. They used her against me, god Steve they would torture her if I disobeyed at all” Bucky's eyes welled up with tears, the memories would always be there, no matter how hard he tried to get rid of them.

The heart monitor slowly became louder, more frantic. Bucky stood up and ran into the room first, Steve following close behind.

To say the pain in my chest was unbearable. It felt as if someone had shoved a hot coal inside followed by covering the wound with melted metal. But then I realized where I was, how the hell did I manage to survive the gunshot? It had hit my heart! I should've died on that field in Steve's arms, while Bucky was locked inside.

“Y/N? Do you know where you are right now?” Steve approached the bed slowly, letting me get used to his figure.  
“Yeah, I know exactly where I am right now” I pushed myself up gently, wincing at the pain that tore through my chest.  
“Oh! You're finally awake” Shuri smiled and walked over to the bed, pulling back the gown that covered my entire body. I blushed trying to keep my chest covered.  
“Yeah, just woke up” I mumbled softly. Steve paid no mind to my now half nakedness as Shuri checked the wound for any infection. Though with her tech, I was sure they could kill anything before it caused any harm.  
“The wound is healing very nicely, won't even leave a scar” She stood up and smiled triumphantly.

Steve motioned with his hand for someone to come in the room once I was dressed again. My stomach dropped as Bucky stepped into the room. He looked worse for wear if I was going to be honest, his hair was a mess, and his stubble had grown in more. I wanted to pull the IV's from my arms and run over to him, apologize for everything I had done.

“Hey doll” Bucky's smile was the only thing to calm my nerves, it held so much warmth for someone who had been tortured for the last seventy years.  
“Hey Buck” I smiled back at him, reaching a hand towards his right one.  
“Was afraid you weren't gonna wake up for a little while, good to know you're still here” He sat down in the chair beside the bed, it was then I could see how glossy his eyes were.  
“Oh, James” I took my hand from his, cupping his cheek gently.

He gently nuzzled his cheek into my palm, his lips pressing against my wrist as he looked up at me. There was no fear in his eyes anymore, no worries. He looked so happy, it was enough to bring a real smile to my face, knowing he was still here.

“You know I couldn't leave without you, right?” Bucky's eyes were locked onto me, he was putting his heart on his sleeve.  
“I'll always go with you, no matter what” Giggling softly I tugged him closer, wrapping my fingers in his hair as his forehead pressed against my own.  
“We're going somewhere no one can find us, just you and me” His eyes were closed gently, his hand resting against my shoulder.  
“Fine by me, as long as I can use you as a pillow again” Bucky chuckled and pressed his lips softly against mine.

The kiss was soft, tender, loving. I was sure there were a thousand ways I could describe it, but none of them would truly get it right. There was an underlying tone to it that felt so damn right. We weren't being rushed, no one was going to find us. Bucky pulled away after a few seconds, his cheeks flushed a light pink.

“I love you James Barnes, don't you ever forget that” I gripped onto his hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.  
“I love you too Y/N Y/L/N, and if we're going to spend all of our time together, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget” He smiled softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

It felt like we were the only two people in the room for those few minutes, even with Steve trying to nonchalantly cheer his friend on, and Shuri keeping an eye on me. Well, it felt nice to just feel Bucky close to me again.

“Seargent Barnes, there's something we have for you” T'Challa stood in the doorway, two men stood behind him.  
“What is it?” Bucky straightened himself before facing T'Challa.

The two men brought in a large black case, and at first I was half expecting them to pull out a gun from how big the box was. But from the reaction it got out of Bucky, I wasn't entirely sure what it could've been. His fingers traced along the item, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“I can't thank you enough, this is too much” Bucky looked up towards T'Challa, ready to deny whatever was being given to him.  
“See it as a thank you for helping me catch my fathers killer, please?” He walked over to Bucky's left side, eyeing his shoulder before looking at the box.  
“When can we put it on?” Oh, oh! This was a big day for everyone I guessed.

Bucky was testing out the new arm, making sure everything felt perfect before he was allowed to leave the building. Shuri had somewhere for us to rest for a little while, Steve had some unfinished business he needed to take care of, so he was leaving soon. It had been a difficult goodbye for Steve and Bucky, but he promised to visit as soon as he felt it was safe enough. And soon Bucky was back at my side, his left arm wrapped tightly around my waist as he watched Steve leave. Everything was still around us as Steve disappeared into the horizon.

“He'll come back soon, it's been too long for you guys” I rested my head against his chest and smiled softly, his fingers were tracing along my back slowly.  
“I hope so, I have some questions I need to ask him some questions” That brought on more questions for myself.  
“Questions? About what?” I looked at him, my cheeks heating up as I caught his heated gaze.  
“You'll find out later, why don't we go rest?” Bucky didn't wait for me to answer, simply steering us into where we were going to be sleeping for a little while.

Though the bed didn't see sleeping as much, and who was I going to complain about that? I finally had the man of my dreams in my arms. My soldier.

 


End file.
